Tag Archives: what not to do

What NOT To Do Before A Blind Date

31 Oct

Depending on how well you stalk me, you may or may not know that I have agreed to go on a blind date  on Wednesday. Mentally, there have been some ups and downs since I officially arranged for this to happen. I started out feeling neutral about it (there’s absolutely nothing to worry about, Andrea), then a few nagging doubts started to creep in (you will be fine, Andrea), and within a day or so I found myself completely freaking out (WHAT WERE YOU THINKING AGREEING TO THIS YOU STUPID, STUPID WOMAN?).

So, in order to maintain a relatively stable level of sanity, I decided to implement some ground rules on what NOT to do before a blind date. And it’s worked so far. Well, sort of.

Google your date

‘Blind’ is the operative word here; Googling your blind date not only makes the whole concept of it null and void, but it can also lead to some unpleasant findings, like discovering he has a tattoo of a racist insignia all over his face. Or potentially, it can fill your mind with a load of dangerously fuzzy thoughts, especially if you happen to stumble across a photo of your guy hugging some Romanian orphans.

I am proud to say that despite the fact I have two mutual friends with my date, I have yet to look him up on Facebook. Usually, when I meet a guy I like, I undertake a mission to find out as much as I possibly can without actually talking to him. And thanks to the wonders of Facebook and Twitter, I have the ability to compose an entire background check on pretty much any guy I lay my eyes on (don’t judge me, I’m a journalist; this is what we do).  But this will not be one of those occasions. I am actually looking forward to getting to know a guy completely from scratch, with no preconceptions of what type of person he is. It’s actually pretty damn exciting, if I dare say so. And very 1950s.

Let your mind wander

It all starts innocently enough: you think of your date and the first thought that comes to mind is to have no expectations. After all, you don’t know the guy, so he’s probably not even your type, or he might have bad nasal hair, or the IQ of a toilet brush, or, horrors of horrors, he may wear chinos.

But then, something happens. Your mind decides to have a laugh at your expense, and starts to tell you that maybe, just maybe, he will be a David Gandy lookalike who has a heart like Mother Theresa, style like George Clooney and more swagger than James Bond.

The reality is, however, how many people have actually made it work after a blind date?  Do yourself a favour and keep busy. Do not think too much about it. There’s plenty of time for that after you’ve met him.

Make a list of potential excuses for cancelling

I will have to confess, I have already thought of what I would like to call a few genuine-sounding, harmless excuses as to why I cannot make it on Wednesday. These include “I slipped in the bath and I am bedridden.” “my (nonexistent) dog died,” and “my washing machine has flooded my flat and I am at risk of drowning.”

Those of you who read my first blog entry relating to this challenge will know that I’ve never been on a proper date. I just  get drunk and woo men with my intoxicated charm (please note, this is ironic).   Hence, I know I am at flight risk this Wednesday. The only saving grace is, I love my friend Ashley (who arranged this blind date) to bits, and I would not like to let her down. So, the only advice I can offer for this point is make sure you get one of your closest friends to arrange your blind date, and that they guilt you into going!

Buy a new outfit (and get a facial, manicure, pedicure, new hairstyle, personality transplant)

Invariably, the question of what one should wear during a blind date comes up at some point. Wardrobes are dissected, outfits tried on and vetoed one by one, then you decide that you have nothing  to wear in a big, dramatic panic.

So you decide to buy a new outfit. But then, if you get a new outfit, you need new shoes, right? Oh, and your hair, it’s looking very dry, you definitely need a treatment, and your nails – have you been cleaning gutters for the last few months?! And bit by bit, you dissect every part of your appearance, decide you’re a horror and therefore not fit for a blind date. Instead, you’re going to sit happily on that shelf, pig out on brownies, and look at naked pictures of David Gandy.

I suggest, you take a deep breath, pick out the dress that makes you feel great and that you’re comfortable in, and save the pennies to donate to charity. Much more ethical option.

*Note: Speaking of ethics, I feel like I would be unethical if I were to lie at this point; I admit, I’ve already had a facial. And tomorrow I’m having a mani/pedi. And maybe I’ll shop for a new dress.

Yes, I am a failure of disastrous proportions, and it’s therefore probably better if you completely ignore whatever I say.

So, there’s only one thing for it now – wish me luck!