Tag Archives: relationships

A Note To All Singles On Valentine’s Day

12 Feb

February the 14th is upon us, which means it’s almost time to express our affection for one another with tacky cuddly toys, porno-red love hearts and ridiculously big cards that exclaim ‘I WUV YOU!’  If you scratch away the dreadful consumerism that is attached to Valentine’s, however, what you find underlies this day is the celebration of something that is worthy of a big soiree, and that is love.

As much as I pride myself in being one of the most cynical people to have walked the earth, I cannot fault love. After all, is there anything more beautiful than finding another human being with whom you completely connect and wish to spend the rest of your life with? Is there anything purer than the love that is shared between a mother and child? Is there anything more wonderful than the love that you see between siblings or friends? Love, whether it be the kind we have for our partners, family members, or even jobs, is what we wake up for in the morning, and it is the promise of love in all its forms that keeps us going through the years. So yes, you could say it’s something worth celebrating.

In the past I could never understand single people who dreaded Valentine’s Day. What difference does it make if you’re single on that one day of the year? But I confess that for the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to being alone on Cupid’s Day. Over the past few months, I have started to long for a partner; for someone to share things with, whether it be something as insignificant as the fact I’ve managed to top my Scrabble score or as life changing as finding out I just got a new job. For most of my youth this has never bothered me, but all of a sudden, it does. As much as it hurts the cynic in me to say this, the truth is, I want someone to love.

I can now sympathise with all the fellow single people who are dreading February the 14th. Tuesday will be just another reminder that I have yet to find that special person. But following a lot of deep thinking I have decided to turn this around. Yes, I am single – but that beats being in a relationship that isn’t working or with a partner just for the sake of having someone in my life.

There is a reason I am still alone; over the years I have been wasting my time on the wrong guys. I have the perfect knack for sniffing out the most emotionally unavailable men, endearing myself to them, and then watching them pull away while wondering why it’s all blown up in my face. All the signs are always there, yet I go back for more, over and over again. My subconscious just loves to reaffirm its false belief that I am not capable of being loved.

It was only recently that I recognised this pattern and how emotionally damaging it has been. I therefore made the decision to ditch the rubbish men and to always ask myself these questions before letting myself fall for someone: What would my mum think of him? Would she like how he treats me? And if the answer is no, then that’s the end of it. This is a fail-safe technique, as my mum always wants the very best for me, which is exactly what I should want too. And when I say the very best, I don’t mean the fattest wallet, flashiest car, and whitest teeth – I mean a good heart, caring nature and, most importantly, to be emotionally available.

As I look back over my failed ‘relationships’ (and I use this term loosely, as none of them ever lasted beyond a few weeks), I realise that my mum was right – NONE of these guys were for me. Sure, they made my heart race, and yes, they made life that much more exciting. But the truth is, none of them would have made me happy in the long run. And I am pretty sure that the reason I liked them so much at the time is that I knew I couldn’t be with them – we all want what we can’t have, after all.

So, like many of you, I will be single this Tuesday, and, yes, I will probably feel sad about it. But, in the true spirit of Valentine’s, I suggest we give ourselves some platitudes; let’s remind ourselves that there are reasons as to why we’re single – whether it be because we have yet to find the right person, or that we decided to let go of the one who was wrong. We should use this day to celebrate the fact we’re refusing to settle for second best and that somewhere out there, there is the imperfect perfect person for each one of us, and when we finally meet them, we will know from the beginning that it is right – and, with any luck, my mother will also approve.

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I Am Going On A Blind Date (Cue Cameron From Modern Family-Type Scream)

22 Oct

I have a secret to share with you all; I have never been on a date. Now when I say date, I mean it in the true sense of the word: boy invites you out and does his best to woo you with a gorgeous box of chocolates, a bouquet of roses and a three-course meal at your favourite restaurant.  No, romance has always been nonexistent in my life. In the past, I have always tried to get to know guys over a few pints in a dingy pub, followed by shots in an even dingier bar, concluding with a greasy chicken shish kebab at the end of the night if I’m lucky. Well, that is how we Brits seem to do it anyway.

It is my own fault. I have spent most of my life having way too much fun with my friends to ever take guys too seriously. I love being single and have never really been on the look out for a relationship. And, on the rare occasions that I do like someone, I am a master of  school playground behaviour – I pretend I don’t like the guy, to the point where he actually ends up thinking I hate him. Normal, eh? I am sure that there is some sort of Freudian explanation to all this, but I have decided it is time to stop making excuses for myself and to, shock, horror, try to open myself up to the possibility of an actual real life relationship with a guy. They don’t all smell, after all.

Hence, the reason why I decided to add the go on a blind date challenge to my list. The truth is, the idea of a real date has always freaked me out. Being in the spotlight in that way, where I feel like everything I say or do is being judged, is too much like a job interview.  So the only way I would ever agree to meet with a guy is if I knew that a) it would be as informal as possible and b) that there would be a lot of alcohol involved. What would inevitably follow would be a very drunk Andrea, who would do many stupid things, and then wonder why the guy didn’t call again. I am not an attractive drunk. I am a husband beating, man hating drunk. I need to drill that into my thick, vodka-numbed skull.

Do you want the great news? The blind date has already been arranged by my very own Cilla Black, Ashley. During a very drunkard book club session last Tuesday, I found myself agreeing to being set up with one of her friends. I have to admit, when I added this challenge to my list, I wasn’t sure if I would go through with it. In fact, I dread this one more than skydiving, which pretty much sums up my attitude towards dating. But the whole point of this blog is to make myself do things that scare me in some way, so there’s no turning back.

My expectations? Well, I don’t have any. I hope at the very least I learn that dates aren’t that terrible after all and have a good laugh with a guy who I hear is a lot of fun!

The date is set for next Wednesday. I need to decide what to wear. And how to stop myself from reaching for the tequila bottle out of nervousness. Suggestions? Will a cup of herbal tea help?

Note: For those of you wondering what happened with the snail challenge, bear with me. I will be facing those slimy monsters at some point over the next few days.