Day 24 – An update (yes, I am still sober)

25 Jan

Quitting alcohol has had a strange effect on me. It’s like I’ve been living in an extremely misty world for the last ten years or so, and all of a sudden, it’s lifted, the sun is out, the beer goggles are off and for the first time in ages I can see clearly.

I’ve had a number of important self-realisations over the past 24 days, the main one being, I do not like drunk Andrea.  She’s not a nice person, as you may have read here. For so long, I had convinced myself that I needed alcohol to survive social gatherings; I thought I needed it to make me funnier, more spontaneous, more interesting. The reality is, I am finding, I can manage quite fine without it.

Last Friday, for example, I was at my friend Nico’s birthday dinner at the Shangri La hotel. This would ordinarily have been a very boozy affair, during which I would have subconsciously felt the need to prove how great I am at drinking by downing every rum and coke in sight, and ordering the strongest thing on the menu just to reaffirm how ‘hard’ I am. By 9pm, I’d reach the tipsy stage, but that would never be enough. Before I’d know it, I’d be an uncontrollable mess of gigantic proportions, saying complete ridiculous things to the waiters and thinking I was funny, when in fact I probably just looked like a complete fool. The rest of the night would invariably be a complete blank, and I’d wake up wondering what the hell had happened during the last ten hours or so of my life.

This time, however, it was different. Sat on a table of six gay guys, I managed to have one of the best nights out in ages, while not touching a single drop of anything other than water. I was the loudest person in the restaurant, as I could not restrain myself from laughing at the hilariousness of my friends. I didn’t need alcohol to have fun. In fact, I managed just perfectly without it. And it was nice to see that, yes, I can be funny when I’m not drunk;  and at least I know this time people were laughing with me, and not at me.

I have less than a week to go before I will be able to drink again, and to be honest, I’m not even counting down the days. I think in the future I will be approaching alcohol with a different attitude, and will be drinking with caution as opposed to chugging for England. I’ve also found that since I quit alcohol, I feel so much more focused on what I want in the future, which is, to make a living out of writing without having to spend the whole day stuck in a dull office job. To get there, I need to spend a lot less time drinking, and a lot more time writing!

It looks like the sun is here to stay.

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